The Crush - 2

June 18, 2007

Yesterday I was in school and guess who else I saw; my crush (Elma) of course with her best friend (Andrea). We were supposed to have a group discussion as part of preparations towards our coming exams. Needless to say, the atmosphere between I and Elma was quite tense, we didn’t talk much and Andrea wasn’t helping matters either as she kept a smiling face (you know the kind of face that says, I know whats up) and was constantly passing bits of paper to her friend. Anyway I later found out that she saw the text I sent to Elma.

Things got worse after the class as I had no where else to turn/run I had to face my fears now, so I said hi to Elma, trying to sound as natural and casual as possible. Her friend took the cue and excused us, probably expecting us to discuss the issue, so there I was alone with Elma , all I could say was that she was acting kinda strange. She said she wasn’t that I was the one acting rather strange. I then told her that I felt weird at the moment and she said its natural. I quickly changed the topic and asked if she would walk me down to photocopy a reading material I got from a class mate. Anyway, to cut the matter short, I had to go home a while later; a friend of mine asked to come along so I could drop him off. I agreed and also offered to drop Elma too. She wanted to sit at the back but my friend insisted she took the front passenger seat, which she agreed to somewhat reluctantly.

We talked on the way (all of us) till I dropped my friend off, then a dead silence took over. She was quite calm but expectant, like she was expecting me to say something, but I was tongue-tied so I brought up a new topic; shares. Asked if she bought any and told her First Bank shares were on sale. She said she did once; one of the now depressed banks and she was being careful now after losing that. We got to her house a while later, she dropped off and I had this funny feeling in my guts like; Damn! You’ve screwed up again.

Later that night I called Andrea, we talked for a while about other stuff but since she was now in on it, there was really no need hiding anything. I poured my mind out to her, we spoke for a little over 10mins. She was however surprised that I didn’t talk about it with Elma when we met earlier in the day. I then asked if they would be in school the next day, so I could come talk to Elma. She said they would, so I ended the call.


June 19, 2007

I dunno if I slept much last night cos I was rehearsing scripts of what I would say when I saw Elma today. I got to school around 11am after spending like an hour in the fuel station. I saw Elma and Andrea in one of the lecture rooms. They weren’t sitting together though, I think its cos Andrea was anticipating my arrival. Well I went to say hi to her first and told her I was nervous, dumbstruck and didn’t have anything to say. I had totally forgotten all the scripts I was practicing the night before. She said I should just go over and say something, so I did. I walked over and took the seat next to Elma. It was empty, almost like it was reserved for me (don’t blame me for thinking like this, everything felt kind of animated by this time). I didn’t resume the discussion immediately, but rather commented on what she was reading, teased her about the state of her notes and other stuff then went silent. You could cut the silence with a knife; it was like a shootout scene from a cowboy movie, where one’s waiting for the other to make the first move. I broke the silence by saying “so…” she immediately replied with “so…what?” to which I replied “d’u want us to talk about it, or do we just pretend this never happened” when she didn’t say anything I continued, saying I had got nothing to say at the moment and maybe if she wanted to say something, she could. She thought for a while then said she had a few things to say; (1) she admired my courage, cos she knew it must have been hard for me to say it (2) she’d still be my friend no matter what. And… (3) there was someone in her life already, that’s why she wouldn’t be able to honour my request. After sitting still n quiet for about a lifetime, I finally said I understood and I thought we should just remain friends afterall, since turning it into a dating relationship could ruin the whole thing and I wouldn’t want that. After sometime, I told her I was glad I spoke out instead of just bottling my feeling up forever, and I was relieved that I did, then just to make sure I asked if this means I was sort of late, to which she nodded.

I was feeling really low by but managed to say I understood and was glad we could still remain friends. Then she laughed and said I was beginning to act animated, so I quickly changed the subject; we talked about school, our upcoming exams and other school stuff. Just then Andrea walked in with a mischievous look on her face, she had gone out of the class when Elma and I got talking. Fortunately, she came over to where we were seated and this sort of helped to loosen the atmosphere a bit. After a while I announced I was taking my leave, had to go to the library to catch up on some reading myself, then I left.

I’m still feeling pretty low as I write this. So much for telling a girl you’re actually tripping. Well I learnt a lesson though, and I keep repeating it to myself; DON’T BE LATE NEXT TIME!