The Crush

June 13, 2007

I did one of the bravest things in my life today, when I look back at it now I might even be tempted to call it silly, but I won’t. OK here’s what I did; I told a girl I had a crush on her. Hey, just before you give me the boot, why don’t you hear what lead to this.

Elma’s in my class, actually we’re friends but that didn’t stop me developing some feelings for her (note the word “develop” meaning it didn’t just spring up overnight). I’d known her since our first year in Med school, a friend of mine introduced us and I liked her (yes…like, not absolutely tripping head over heels, just like) instantly, I guess then it was her voice, but over time I noticed other things I liked about her; I could talk with her comfortably, she had this absolutely nice, giving personality that really drew me closer to her, and then her eyes too, really beautiful. She possessed a look you would describe as wide eyed innocence.

Anyway, I think the feelings I had towards her started developing in our second year. I’m not very sure when, it could have been anytime within the first semester, the hols or maybe second semester. Among our group of friends, we have this make-believe world where everyone’s assigned certain roles, hey! Its nothing formal, just something we play and joke about. OK, so some people are Dads, mums, sisters, husbands, wives etc. anyway, I landed the role of Elma’s ex-hubby and it stuck (don’t ask me how, I don’t know myself). Trust me this wasn’t helping me at all. I thot the feelings would just shake off, for God sake I know she’s my friend but its not like one can control certain feelings.

Today was one of our Andrea’s birthday, (incidentally Elma’s closest friend amongst us all) so we decided to have a sit out around 12noon. I was busy with some other stuff like trying to get fuel for my car and a card for Andrea so I joined them around 2pm. It was a fast food joint, we had lots of fun and just stuck around gisting and making fun of one another. All the while, Elma was looking drop dead gorgeous and I just couldn’t help myself, you can’t imagine how I felt throughout the period. It was like I betrayed someone,…her. I dropped Andrea and Elma at her respective places at about 4:30pm and headed someplace else.

When I got home around 7pm, I decided I had to do something about all these (the feelings) that’s when I composed a txt telling her how I’ve got a crush on her, how I couldn’t help but tell her to save myself from going crazy and how I hoped she wouldn’t be mad n still remain my friend. It took me sometime and a lot of courage to do it but I finally sent it. I had to say something, I was going nuts. Seriously, its not that kind of hit and run feeling I’m having. I’ve analysed it over time (its been two years since we’ve been friends) and I’m sure. I know it will not work out cos we live in separate towns, she only schools in Calabar and based on experience, turning a friendship to a dating relationship never works and don’t think I haven’t tried to kill the feeling, I have; but even getting a girlfriend has not helped issues. I just hope she doesn’t hate me now, cos that would just complicate issues further. I’m just confused. Really confused.


June 14, 2007

I called Elma this morning around 8:30am I asked if she got my text and she said she did. I then went ahead to say, I know I wasn’t supposed to harbour such feelings about her but I just couldn’t help it I couldn’t also go around calling her my friend with these feeling burning within me. I was surprised when she said she understands and that we would talk about it when next we see and that she wasn’t mad at me or anything of the sort. So, there its done. I can’t turn back the hands of time so I’ll just wait and hear what she has to say.

She was even more understanding than another lady (she’s much older than me, maybe about 6 years) whom I recently told I had a crush for when I was younger, she just no gree understand that it was in the past. Omo see raking now, I immediately regretted telling her. It was all so funny to me, I just wonder if she did not get what I said or maybe the English was a bit too confusing for her, I told her I had not I have. I got me to imagine what would have happened if I told her I have a crush for her right now? Maybe I wouldn’t be typing this by now or I would be typing from a hospital bed. Well I finally said make she no vex oh! that I thought she could handle it a bit more maturely and stop making an issue over it. It was just so funny to see a big girl like that acting up. She ended by saying we shouldn’t talk about it again, and that she would stop calling me. Like I really care if she does? Abeg, I’ve got a whole lot on my mind to care about.

Second Issue:
I usually oversee things at my dad’s computer firm when I’m on holiday and there’s this girl that works for us. Anyway she invited me to come know her place last week and we had a little thing (not sex outright) but I was a bit tight that day and I wasn’t fully in control of my actions. Since then whenever I’m in the inner office she’s come in sit with me and we would just talk.

Its raining outside today and I was just sitting here typing the beginning part of this when she walked in a while ago, rested her elbows on the table beside my laptop, her face was like 3inches from mine and started telling me how she missed me yesterday and all that, I just kept going like “hmm, are you sure” and “really?”, not wanting to say anything else that I might regret later. Anyway she moved after a while and went to sit across the table from me, asking if she could stay, since my Dad was in the outer office. I just told me she could if she wanted to, but since my dad was around, maybe she should come back later. See me see wahala O! somebody pls help, can all these be happening to a guy in 2 days?